heres to the best time of my life .

-- im just gonna freewrite what's on my mind, be prepared for alot of ramble and contradiction. and grammar and spelling errors.


Well i've been in a state of reflection alot these last 3 weeks. And one thing i've been contemplating about is when I felt most at peace, most relaxed, and when everything seemed to be going right. And the first time of my life that comes to mind, is the the summer of 2007. I was only 15 at the time, but i was WAY, way, WAY more naive, dumb, and innocent than the average 15 year old. One of the first things that comes to mind is how that summer is how everything seemed so easy and so simple . There was no drama and feelings of tension whatsoever between anyone. No awkward relationships between people. My basketball team was doing work !!! I mean, we had the best chemistry , did everything together , bagged girls together, got drunk together .. damn. I was a bum ass back then..never had money, never had clothes, never had haircuts. My girl situation was lookin good at the time too , even though ironically back then I had no idea to talk to girls lol. Everytime soemthing came up id always ask kevin , pete, and jeremy , what i should say or do HAHA. Had some girls that i shoulda wifed up or piped , but that didnt work out, well i see at least one thing is the same now as it was back than! haha.. JK but on the real... .. back then I felt like i was the caring , selfless person ever. And now i look at myself in 2009 as a total parallel person to who i used to be. I mean now all i care about is " getting mine " ; and all i know is the grind. My attitude has turned to selfish & ive watched my ego grow. I mean now i feel like ive lost alot of bonds with people i used to think id be close to forever. Even with my team , i feel like the brotherhood, the chemistry, everything .. it just isn't the same. I mean .. nothing is the same. change is inevitable. In all of 2009, i've felt like all i ever do is try to do work... I find happiness in these temporary void fillers. Basketball , weed , songs i never finish, girls i talk to once and never answer back again. Expensive clothes, expensive shoes.. i mean there has to be more life that party and bullshit right ? there has to be more than proving to everyone how good of a rapper and basketball player you are and earning the respect you feel you deserve.. there has to be more than breaking more necks than the guy next to you. Sadly, thats all i know. Friends and family is really all i have , but your friends and family can never achieve success for you. It's funny , all of my friends are intelligent , focused and all of my family is living good with multiple cars and gigantic houses .. But they cant achieve success for me , they cant find what happiness is for me. Im just so stressed with everything goin, i need an epic change .. but back to the topic of this blog. Summer of 07, happiness i miss you so much. I wish things can be the way the used to be ... But it cant, cause change is inevitable .. and i'll be the first to admit that because, i feel like i've changed the most outta everything .. and it seems like im the person coping the worst with all the changes that have occured since that summer of 2007..