FEMALES + I = BITCHASSNESS ? lol

Second blog of the day ... since im all quarantined and alone in my room .. since my parents left me to go out and i have nobody to talk to on aim or online since everyone is celebrating a well deserved day with their hard working mothers... so Here i go..


Ok i know i might seem like a topic must people would be scared to admit and to address but whatever. So yeah , especially from this coming from a guy and all .. but I dont care what people think of .. Blogging is like self expression.. you should never self express yourself and not self express because your scared of what people thinking . If your the worst fucking singer, actor, photographer, artist, graphic designer, etc. And people arent feeling your shit .. fuck them.. you do self expression because you love doing what you do.. it doesnt matter what others think or judge upon when it comes to your form of self expression. Ill save this for another entry .. time for the topic at hand ...


I mean i guess my whole life , i guess since I was always talented at talking my way out of things, and always knowing what to say and what to write and etc, I was able to talk to girls. I mean im trying to keep this entry right here, strictly benjamin franklin and keep it 100 with you all of you without lying or sugar coating anything. But, you would think with me being rapper and all , being able to play ball and never being broke , and [[ no homo ]] never being seen with a group of bum ass ugly niggas.. Bagging wouldnt be an issue for me. Quite frankly it is .. I mean theres so much to it , the situation is so complex. I hate making excuses but i figure i put a few things out there and open up some issues to whoever reading this. First off all.. I have the biggest trust factor when it comes to females. I guess the main reason was or is.. growing up, my whole life, and even to this day .. My mother and I NEVER, never, NEVER had the best of a parent-child relationship. I'd go into detail, but i dont wanna make this as long as harry potter 8. Its always been hard for me you know ? How can I , be able to express feelings, and get attached to a female .. though I know the bonds are two seperate different matters/sitatuons .. but if the woman that birthed me, and gave me life, who I dont even get along and put me through mad shit .. how can trust some girl that she wont go out and hurt me ? I mean w/e i know it's like .. you shouldnt think like that .. but im 17 years old.. basically raised myself on my own.. but i still love my mom though.. cant blame her for any of this .. she was young herself, trying to raise a child, raised her whole life with family issues of her own.. i can never say she didn't try her best and i respect that. Second .. Ive always been the type of person, to always keep myself in a shell. always scared to express, and exert my feelings. Like not to sound cocky or anything like that .. but my talking game , getting numbers game , and all those other "game" methods are WAY, way on point .. And girls would probobly tell you the same thing. Im just so indecisive.. it's like my music in a way .. My main flaw as an artist .. like as a person .. is i never finish what i start. Metaphorically.. ill put it this way ...it's like i can write two verses, write the chorus .. but ill never finish the third verse... therefore the song never gets released! LOL... Like with a girl, i can get her to like me.. get her to come visit me .. get her to chill with me... get her to basically throw herself at me... but in the end .. i never end up making things official with them.. or for lack of a better term " smashing ".. and trust me.. that is 99.9 percent of the time not my intentions anyway. For all you basketball players out there .. its like stealing the ball from the point guard , having a fast break, crossing up the small forward.. than missing the .. or even not taking the wide open lay up. TRUST ME ! i've had my share of girls i couldve wifed up, fucked, and all the shit .. but it's just i duno im scared. I guess im scared to show weakness , scared to show i feel .. what usually happens is .. by the time i let the girl chase me and shit ... and than she gets tired of doing so by the time i finally accept the fact that i have feelings for her too... shit goes no where.. its deaded...Or sometimes its the opposite way around .. but yeah .. yall can judge me after this w/e you want .. but quite frankly i dont give a fuck. I guess i have to step up my confidence game too in a way .. Cause i be getting scared so much that a girl wouldnt like me that im oblivious and blind to all the signs that she does. TRUST ME ! i hear this shit all the time from all my close friends... [[ with that being said i guess i owe an apology in a way to all my close friends .. especially kevin, pete, and jeremy for always having faith in me with every girl i talk to.. for always hooking me up with girls.. giving them a good word for me.. telling them to be paitend and telling me what to do and say .. but i never listen cause im stupid and stubborn and yet... i always let them down and to turn them when im all sad lmao .. ok back to topic ]]....I also get bored of girls easily .. not to sound like a dick or anything but that's just how i am .. it's like how i get bored of shoes, clothes, and fitteds easily. Another comparison is like .. you know how when you first hear a song .. and your OD feeling it.. you fuckin put that shit on your away message, facebook status.. myspace background music .. blast all day on your ipod/itunes.. and than a few days later you get tiried of it ?! that kinda happens to me with girls sometimes too. With all that being said .. i dont regret many mistakes i made in my past.. To all the girls who feel like i ignored them, or did them dirty.. hopefully reading this can prove to you and understand it's way more complicated than me not liking you... i just kinda dont know how to act or react when it reaches a certain point in the process of ... lack of a better word " bagging ". But heeey .. maaybe next time a good thing comes around ... Ill learn from my mistakes .. or she'll understand my fears and wait for me to be ready .. and if not .. guess just another i gotta add to this long ass list... haha .. but on the real though .. i dont need a girl in my life anyway .. i got the best of friends and family .. plus you know a nigga doing his thing when it comes to getting money, staying fly, dropping buckets, and producing serious music.. ok im done with the ego and gassing my self up .. i just hadda do it after spending like 384875767 paragraphs discussins my fears and flaws... im out for now ... thank you again for reading !!

-- CHRISTIAN BONOAN