GOIN IN 4 LIFE.

I never expected to anyone to understand the life that i live , and my strive for my grind. People always asked me why i Go hard as hard i do when it comes to basketball when theres no chance of me going professional anywhere. Ever since i started taking rapping seriously people were always saying "he's a has-been, he's washed up, he cant write to beats, he can only freestyle , he's not marketable; who signing a filipino kid?" and other negative feedback. Now they ask me what's the point of me pushing weight, saying it's not worth the risk..saying they dont wanna see me in jail, saying my buzz is too hot , and my profile isnt low key enough... I've always been an indecisive person .. A friend of mine once told i never followed my heart .. My family and friends pray for me that i get together ..


1.I guess for everyone else there was always more to life, than basketball, music, money, and weed. But for me ? You can ask everyone , amongst my family and my friends.. i was always one of the most intelligent. Yet, school isnt everyone.. school isnt for me. Working a regular 9-5 in a suit and tie isnt for me.. I feel like God blessed me with this talent to express myself through music.. so i cant let it go to waste. I gotta be heard.. I gotta make it .. it's hard though .. i feel like noone ever fully, 100 % supported me... only a handful of people even somewhat supported me. That used to upset me before.. i guess now it just motivates me more. . And ive been telling alot of people.. once i build this studio in my house.. Im taking it to the TOP. All the way to the top.. and who ever did support me 100 percent through everything .. i swear to god. You wont have to worry about ANYTHING in the future .. 

2.Started pushing the last two weeks.. ONLY.. i repeat ONLY to save money so i can build a studio in my crib. The extra money is good though .. Since i can use this to save .. I can use my shitty ass toys r us salary for other purposes..Ive went shopping in soho 4 times in the last week. Whenever my friends are short on money .. i buy them food. Not no dollar menu shit .. meals..eating good. And when my money is looking just about right ..i light up my close friends for free. At the same time though .. i worry alot of people. I started wearing rosary beads around my neck.. i pray before i make a sale everytime.. Pray my friends stop worrying for me, pray i dont get jumped, pray i dont get arrested. Im positive God will protect me .. cause i really do have good intentions with this extra money.

3. It's been hard not playing ball these last two weeks. Ive had a respitory infection the past two weeks.. therefore doctors suggest i cant play. He gave me the OK monday..So i went to the gym. worked and played ball for 7 hours.. I WENT HARD. Turns out i pulled a muscle in my shooting arm.. And now i cant fully extend my arm..And cant play ball for a week again. Basketball really means alot to me ..  It's always been my therapy .. A place of sanctuary and bliss.. where nothing else matters at that moment ... but me Shooting that ball in the basketball... As you can see from my blogging.. my thoughts are pretty complex and complicated.. and basketball ? has always been where id turn to when i needed an escape from everything.


Ive always been told i was indecisive .. I never know what i want. I guess like trey said in the drake song .. i SUPPOSE, i just wanna be successful. And right now im just playing the cards dealt to me.. Takin' every chance and opprutunity given to me. I mean theres not a minute wasted of my grind now.. But i know this hard work'll pay off and one day im gonna enjoy the fruits of my labor.. And last .. but certainly not least. They say everything happens, or doesnt happen for a reason...But w/e the situation/scenario may be.. Im going hard and GOING IN 4 LIFE !!! thank you =D

SUMMER AGENDA !

MORNING -- AFTERNOON
basketball & working out at the gym with joey everyday . we gotta step it up .. project 09 .

NIGHT-- EARLY MORNING
out as much as possible ..chillin with people; but whenever im stuck home with nothing to do.. writing/recording for the mixtape..


and of course there's slave shifts at toys r us & my also newly found second job in between. lol

GET PLAYED !

So it's almost 1 AM and im BORED as fuck. So i decide to write down a quick verse about a situation that we all can say happened to us or someone we know . Well to make a long story short .. bitches be playin' dudes too . and sometimes dudes is just stupid to let it all pan out . I mean this is something light .. kinda bored.. def not my best . but i guess i owe yall as much material anyway. And plus i needed to warm up and get my creative juices flowing before i write for the mixtape.. hope yall enjoy ! 

Ayo dedicate this verse..To the girl that be leadin' you on 

Telling you straight up lies, and treating you wrong 

Sayin she got work, when she with some kid at the mall 

Then has the nerve to bark at you for the bitches you call 

Asking " Is she someone i should be knowin about ?!"

When at the same time , she was at so , and so's house 

Makin' you start to question what really goes in her mouth

I mean.. everyone of your friends even say she whore 

Saying, you with "......." ?, damn i seen her naked before 

But you never listened to all the ho and slut rumors 

Than your mans is telling you he could fuck sooner .

And he laughs when you say, "nah she aint the type 

To put out so easy , cause she the type to make a wife "

And you dont listen, even though your friends know best 

A Few months into it , still there's no pro-gress ...

..stupid ass nigga lol

Photoshop me into your prom pictures .. lol

So since about March i was planning on going to florida for a week with some of my close friends from school rather than going to senior prom. Then ; about 2 weeks before the prom deadline .. shit went down and I realized my florida plans werent going to work out. I mean , Prom is a once in a lifetime thing .. and i kinda regret making the decision not go. I was too stubborn to believe everyone who always told me , your senior prom is one of those nights you dont forget , not as serious as the day of your wedding or the birth of your children .. but i guess it could be close to it. So now im Looking at all these pictures of people I've grown up .. in their dresses/tuxes/ etc .. and it just makes me kinda tight i didnt go. And to make matters worse... everyone has studies to final for .. so I cant find anyone to party and bullshit with this weekend... SMH ! It seems like im hearing from my friends who i confide this issue to.. all im getting back is a well deserving " I told you so " lol. I mean it's all good .. I know it's my fault .. Turned down some dates ;cause i thought I was going to florida this whole time and some of them i Just didnt wanna spend 400 dollars on. Not to sound like a dick.. but times is hard and the recession is hitting my pockets too.I mean .. not to sound like a homo.. but numerous people have been askin me to see them off .. but I declined all offers.. basically because seeing them off would only make it worse for me that i wont be able to share  and create memories with them night. But yeah .. not going to prom isnt something Im gonna cry about or lose sleep over .. but i just figure i share to yall what's good.. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST ! HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY YOUR PROMS , GET HIGH AND DRUNK AS FUCK.. AND USE PROTECTION ! lol

A LITTLE SOMETHING

Copy and pasted off facebook .. what im good for while focused for 45 minutes.

IF I HAD A BETTER WEBCAM ID MAKE A VIDEO.. BUT !!!

---

So .. yeah .. i mean i started writing this verse at about ... 1 am ?! But these thoughts have been running in my mind ever since i heard MTV'S MADE was gonna be holding auditions at my school. Originally i was thinking .. " Wow this is my shot , my chance " .. but at the same time second guessing myself .. knowing i was way too talented to rely on an MTV show to achieve the success i deserve. Actually i turned to another one of my fellow recording artists for advice... [[Bryan Del Rosario aka B. Del who's been a friend of mine since even before we both started doing music]].. And he told me .. and i still have the exact convo.. cause i never shut down my computer or AIM so all my convos are saved.. SMH but anyway
bd0t2thedel (6:30:30 PM): if you're a rapper.. you should be on you're own shit, na mean?
bd0t2thedel (6:30:35 PM): grindin' for.. no one but yourself
bd0t2thedel (6:30:56 PM): and don't take the easy way out
bd0t2thedel (6:31:36 PM): but honestly
bd0t2thedel (6:31:43 PM): i feel ur much better than that

AND with that being said ... heres a free-verse/rant about my views about the music industry , my pessimistic views at times about chasing my dreams as a hip-hop artist, and the last verse .. well yeah ill stop explaining and just let you guys read lol .
OK NOW TO THE MUSIC !! ..




[ verse one ]
Everyday i Live by the saying Impossible is Nothing
Like im lacing adidas up when the obstacles are coming
I just wanna be a superstar, each day fucking pro-models
With the dick sucking lips, and bodies like coke bottles
Isnt that the average goal, to the average kid underprivileged?
Thats why they sell their souls just to get in this business
See success to the youth ? is measured by cars and chains
But it's kinda like astrology , we only have the stars to blame
Some work hard for the love, Some only work hard for fame
But me ? im willing to do whatever, to be in charge of the game
You can say i have my feet set , like a guard in the lane
Compare me to a reciept i just wanna be a part of the change
But dollars make sense right ? tell me what does talent make ?
Cause im talented as fuck, feeling myself, no masterbate.
Im hungry for the money though, starving for the fattest plate
But i wont co sign on my sole, which road would you rather take ?


[ verse two ]
Im lost on the road to riches, wondering which way to go?
Cause i read hotter shit on blogs than i hear on the radio
My heads, shaking No, cause even with the greatest flow
No dance or autotune, means no play on your favorite show
But yet so far gone, was the dopest to drop last quarter
And to me kanye autotuned on 808 was manslaughter
Both used voice-effects..i show love to them and t-pain
And also to mr. jamie foxx, and the alcohol he blames
But i feel like the industry's just a Lose-Lose
Cause if your not autotuned or getting lite on YouTube
Or fronting online , by copy and pasting su-woos
Dont expect to recieve more than seeing your views move...
See my parents telling me i should attend college
But id rather make music, and spread knowledge [[pause]]
But lets say , in a few years, the game aint change still ..
In a recession..How am i gonna raise a family, and pay bills?


[ verse 3 ]
Metaphors, wordplay, have you wishing i would dumb it down
I got a big ego, so my big head should wear the fucking crown
And quite frankly, im too high, and too fly to be underground
Too flam-BOUYANT, trust me never have i sunk or drowned.
See, im ahead of the ocean of competition in the main stream
Cause i never lose focus, you will never see me day dream
It should be illegal to be the ill, when you not even eighteen
Yeah , i got palm readers telling me, im ahead of my time
Cause the all the punchlines i dont right, get left in my mind
Never did tanget in geometry , cause i was meant to be signed
Plus my game known to front on a bitch till im getting behind.
Sorry for getting off topic , i just hadda go in beast mode
So ahead of the game with no game shark or cheat codes
Still i have my doubts, cause even ray j didnt want a unique flow [[ no homo ]]
The pessimism does hit , the journey so long and ruthless
But after every verse i right.. im convinced i was born to this..


... FEED BACK APPRECIATED ! positive or negative ...
i showed this to one of my producers Louis and he said it sounds like bits and pieces of a lost verse from drake and trey songz -- successful from so far gone lol

-- CHRISTIAN BONOAN

FIRST SINGLE OFF THE MIXTAPE.

well you know .. im not one to usually give this kinda shit out .. its currently being written right now .. so far i have a few verses i wrote.. about 5 gone .. threw away all of them ... i have to come correct on this remix ... i wanna make this song the best you ever had on your ipod .. ok no more hints.

FEMALES + I = BITCHASSNESS ? lol

Second blog of the day ... since im all quarantined and alone in my room .. since my parents left me to go out and i have nobody to talk to on aim or online since everyone is celebrating a well deserved day with their hard working mothers... so Here i go..


Ok i know i might seem like a topic must people would be scared to admit and to address but whatever. So yeah , especially from this coming from a guy and all .. but I dont care what people think of .. Blogging is like self expression.. you should never self express yourself and not self express because your scared of what people thinking . If your the worst fucking singer, actor, photographer, artist, graphic designer, etc. And people arent feeling your shit .. fuck them.. you do self expression because you love doing what you do.. it doesnt matter what others think or judge upon when it comes to your form of self expression. Ill save this for another entry .. time for the topic at hand ...


I mean i guess my whole life , i guess since I was always talented at talking my way out of things, and always knowing what to say and what to write and etc, I was able to talk to girls. I mean im trying to keep this entry right here, strictly benjamin franklin and keep it 100 with you all of you without lying or sugar coating anything. But, you would think with me being rapper and all , being able to play ball and never being broke , and [[ no homo ]] never being seen with a group of bum ass ugly niggas.. Bagging wouldnt be an issue for me. Quite frankly it is .. I mean theres so much to it , the situation is so complex. I hate making excuses but i figure i put a few things out there and open up some issues to whoever reading this. First off all.. I have the biggest trust factor when it comes to females. I guess the main reason was or is.. growing up, my whole life, and even to this day .. My mother and I NEVER, never, NEVER had the best of a parent-child relationship. I'd go into detail, but i dont wanna make this as long as harry potter 8. Its always been hard for me you know ? How can I , be able to express feelings, and get attached to a female .. though I know the bonds are two seperate different matters/sitatuons .. but if the woman that birthed me, and gave me life, who I dont even get along and put me through mad shit .. how can trust some girl that she wont go out and hurt me ? I mean w/e i know it's like .. you shouldnt think like that .. but im 17 years old.. basically raised myself on my own.. but i still love my mom though.. cant blame her for any of this .. she was young herself, trying to raise a child, raised her whole life with family issues of her own.. i can never say she didn't try her best and i respect that. Second .. Ive always been the type of person, to always keep myself in a shell. always scared to express, and exert my feelings. Like not to sound cocky or anything like that .. but my talking game , getting numbers game , and all those other "game" methods are WAY, way on point .. And girls would probobly tell you the same thing. Im just so indecisive.. it's like my music in a way .. My main flaw as an artist .. like as a person .. is i never finish what i start. Metaphorically.. ill put it this way ...it's like i can write two verses, write the chorus .. but ill never finish the third verse... therefore the song never gets released! LOL... Like with a girl, i can get her to like me.. get her to come visit me .. get her to chill with me... get her to basically throw herself at me... but in the end .. i never end up making things official with them.. or for lack of a better term " smashing ".. and trust me.. that is 99.9 percent of the time not my intentions anyway. For all you basketball players out there .. its like stealing the ball from the point guard , having a fast break, crossing up the small forward.. than missing the .. or even not taking the wide open lay up. TRUST ME ! i've had my share of girls i couldve wifed up, fucked, and all the shit .. but it's just i duno im scared. I guess im scared to show weakness , scared to show i feel .. what usually happens is .. by the time i let the girl chase me and shit ... and than she gets tired of doing so by the time i finally accept the fact that i have feelings for her too... shit goes no where.. its deaded...Or sometimes its the opposite way around .. but yeah .. yall can judge me after this w/e you want .. but quite frankly i dont give a fuck. I guess i have to step up my confidence game too in a way .. Cause i be getting scared so much that a girl wouldnt like me that im oblivious and blind to all the signs that she does. TRUST ME ! i hear this shit all the time from all my close friends... [[ with that being said i guess i owe an apology in a way to all my close friends .. especially kevin, pete, and jeremy for always having faith in me with every girl i talk to.. for always hooking me up with girls.. giving them a good word for me.. telling them to be paitend and telling me what to do and say .. but i never listen cause im stupid and stubborn and yet... i always let them down and to turn them when im all sad lmao .. ok back to topic ]]....I also get bored of girls easily .. not to sound like a dick or anything but that's just how i am .. it's like how i get bored of shoes, clothes, and fitteds easily. Another comparison is like .. you know how when you first hear a song .. and your OD feeling it.. you fuckin put that shit on your away message, facebook status.. myspace background music .. blast all day on your ipod/itunes.. and than a few days later you get tiried of it ?! that kinda happens to me with girls sometimes too. With all that being said .. i dont regret many mistakes i made in my past.. To all the girls who feel like i ignored them, or did them dirty.. hopefully reading this can prove to you and understand it's way more complicated than me not liking you... i just kinda dont know how to act or react when it reaches a certain point in the process of ... lack of a better word " bagging ". But heeey .. maaybe next time a good thing comes around ... Ill learn from my mistakes .. or she'll understand my fears and wait for me to be ready .. and if not .. guess just another i gotta add to this long ass list... haha .. but on the real though .. i dont need a girl in my life anyway .. i got the best of friends and family .. plus you know a nigga doing his thing when it comes to getting money, staying fly, dropping buckets, and producing serious music.. ok im done with the ego and gassing my self up .. i just hadda do it after spending like 384875767 paragraphs discussins my fears and flaws... im out for now ... thank you again for reading !!

-- CHRISTIAN BONOAN